In nearly all of my memories with both parents together, they were arguing. They fought about big things and they squabbled endlessly about the little things in life.
While pondering what lesson I learned from my parents, my first response is never to repeat their mistakes.
They were poorly suited to one another. My father thought of himself as a worldly man. He had a university education from a foreign country and he enjoyed traveling and meeting new people. He became politically active, throwing himself into the sort of activism required by such an undertaking.
My mother was the opposite: she never attended school, she was illiterate, and as soon as she left her village of birth, all she wanted to do was go back.
Regardless of their insurmountable differences (their marriage broke down), they agreed on a few things that they passed on to my siblings and me. They both believed in the importance of building resilience. As children, there were constant falls, fights with other kids, work that was too hard, difficult circumstances. The response from them both was: keep going.
That lesson has served me well. I hope to pass it on to my children, albeit in a kinder way.
Ayaan Hirsi Ali is a Research Fellow at the Hoover Institution, Founder of the AHA Foundation, and host of the Ayaan Hirsi Ali Podcast. www.ayaanhirsiali.com
