If we were able to see our pasts with total clarity, we would remember a time we weren’t carrying the emotional burdens of regret, recriminations, self-hatred and hatred of others. Through years of painful experiences, we came to believe in the idea of holding onto this oppressive, senseless cargo. It is sad (and all too human) how easily we came to embrace, and even to cherish such harmful thoughts —as if losing them would feel like losing a limb.
In Elul we are looking for a particular blessing, one that creates circumstances through which we learn some momentous lesson about the world and about ourselves. There are two ways this can happen: through loss or joy. The essence of the Elul prayer is that God brings us that lesson only through the latter, only through intense delight — along with a sudden, visceral awareness of the many miracles surrounding us at every moment.
Through joy we will catch a glimpse of ourselves lugging around our needless and weighty things. Instead of clinging to them, we will see them for what they truly are. At that moment, we will relax our grip and watch as they fall to the ground.
